John the Expat

Why People Leave Home

People decide to leave their home for a variety of reasons. Some are seeking more lucrative employment, others are traveling with a partner, and some are simply chasing adventure. For others (especially children of military families) defining “home” may have always been complicated. No matter how experienced a traveler you are, you may still find yourself feeling like something just doesn’t feel right. You might struggle to explain this feeling to others, or you may simply sense that something is “wrong,” even if everything looks good on the surface.

The Emotional Whiplash of Arrival

This feeling is completely normal and can be very difficult to anticipate. For those who have never traveled or relocated before, it can come as a shock to arrive at a long-awaited destination and realize it doesn’t feel the way they imagined it would. For experienced travelers, it can be even more unsettling to arrive at what they believe will be “yet another destination” and find themselves unexpectedly experiencing periods of low mood.

What Travel Brochures Don’t Tell You

Most people planning a large move spend time pouring over any information they can find about their destination. Here’s what no travel brochure (do people still read those?) or well-produced video will tell you: these images are carefully designed to entice you with beautiful landscapes, delicious food, and smiling faces.

But the presence of beautiful scenery is not what will most strongly impact your experience. How you feel will be shaped far more by you, your individual circumstances, and by the stage of life you’re in when you arrive.

Nothing Is “Wrong” With You

If you reach your new destination and don’t feel as happy as you thought you would, you may begin to believe that something is wrong with you. There isn’t. What’s difficult to fully realize before leaving home is that everyone else will continue living their lives while you begin a new adventure.

New chapters will start, others will quietly close, and it can be painful not to be as present for those moments as you would like to be.

Staying Connected While You’re Away

So how do you learn to love your new home if it feels like it’s pulling you away from the things that matter most to you?

Having a plan for how you’ll stay connected before you leave is essential and all too often left vague (“I’ll call every day!”). Be specific and consistent about how often will you contact your loved ones. Also, connection shouldn’t be limited to good news alone. Sharing important moments, both good and bad, helps closeness endure even when physical distance exists.

The world keeps turning, and life carries on for those you’ve left behind. Part of learning to love your new home may mean intentionally maintaining closeness with the people and places that still feel like home.

If you find yourself struggling to adjust to a new home, feeling disconnected, or unsure how to navigate the emotional side of relocation, you don’t have to do it alone. As a therapist, I support individuals through life transitions and the complex feelings that often accompany change. If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out to learn more about how we might work together.

–John M. Williams, M.S.